Don't Kiss and Kill

The so-called traveling agency called Damien Haversham about an appointment he made with Ed Kenning, the man running it, that starts in ten minutes. Hastily, Damien got dressed, grabbed his briefcase, and left his lair. Several red-light runs later, he appeared in front of the building with a cheerful sign. The receptionist was just as happy as she informed Damien to knock on Mr. Kenning’s office door.

“Come in,” the bass voice called from inside. Damien let himself in and sat across the older, black man who was in the middle of paperwork. Looking at Damien, an overweight white dude in a leather jacket, Mr. Kenning exhaled. “What can I do for you, son?” he asked.

Beaming, Damien unclasped the briefcase and pulled out several plans. Mr. Kenning looked over blueprints of vaults and buildings with their weaknesses highlighted. “I take it we’re not flying you anywhere for a vacation,” he remarked. “You better get straight to the point. It’s nine in the morning and we have actual travel clients coming in.”

“Oh good, this is short. So, you’re a bad guy, and I’m a bad guy. You have someone in your empire that I can partner up with, and I have fancy weapons to offer in return. It’s a win-win situation for both of us, so what do you say?”

Mr. Kenning tilted his head. “That’s too straight to the point. You didn’t give me any details whatsoever.”

“Really?” Damien asked. He thought it was flawless and no-nonsense. Holding up his hands, he said, “Fair enough. My recent project involves undercover stings, robberies, and a potential city blackout depending on how bad we’re doing. I can’t do this plan alone, and I think if we make an arrangement where I “marry” someone in your empire, I’ll get that partnership to pull it off and you’ll get half the loot we bring in. Also, did I mention fancy weapons? I’m talking keyboards with an explosive bomb attached fancy.”

Mr. Kenning grunted and was already shaking his head. Damien remembered that the man didn’t run the best criminal empire in Fracopolis with a partnership, especially one with some stranger who doesn’t seem to match his level of potential.

Fortunately for him, the man didn’t say anything of the sort. Instead, he inquired, “Why does this need a marriage? I can tell by your personality you’ll need a hand to hold, but it doesn’t require a wedding of any sort.”

The last comment hurt, but it also brought up a point Damien wanted to make. Since Mr. Kenning didn’t kick him out of the office, he felt he was on a good track so far. “As I said, we operate on our own. We normally don’t cross paths, and I’m sure the city would notice if all of the sudden I’m hanging out with one of your people. This is out of convenience, to be frank.”

“That is a piss-poor excuse, Mr…?” Mr. Kenning read the name he wrote down in his planner. “Haversham.”

“Alright, I do need someone for my plan, but I always thought it’d be cool to be undercover like that. You know, show the public that I’m deeply in love with someone and definitely not planning anything heinous with them. It’s the little things that make my job fun.”

For a split second, a corner of the man’s mouth quirked up, clearly amused but didn’t want to show it. Maybe he understood Damien’s point. A grenade in a park is fun, but it only paints the big picture of Fun and doesn’t add the small details to it. In other words, Damien was in with the boss. Now he had to tread lightly to stay on his good side.

“So, if you don’t mind, I recall you have family working with you. Specifically, two daughters. Tell me about your oldest,” he said.

Mr. Kenning was less tense, given by how he switched from being stoic in his chair to relaxed. “Let’s see. Bailey is currently third in line to be the CEO of the company she works for. Has an impeccable skill with replacing jewelry with their fakes—”

Sounds good so far.

“—and she’s on her honeymoon.”

“I see. Wish her congrats on my part.” She was out. “What about your other daughter, Lottie? I heard about her successfully hacking into a Burburry and getting away with thousands. She’d make a great partner.”

“Yes… it’s certainly impressive coming from a fourteen-year-old.”

“Oh, um, it definitely is.” Lottie was definitely out. “You don’t have any other kids, do you?”

“I do. My middle’s been leading half of my operations for a while. Most of those scandals on the news in the last year or so was caused by my empire.”

“Wow, an impressive resume.” She might be the one. Hopefully. Damien was liking this.

“Indeed.” Mr. Kenning paused long enough to drink his coffee. “Zion didn’t have a good work ethic starting out, but this job has been a blessing. I believe you two would be the best fit for your, uh, operation.”

This was getting better. Damien was already thinking about the glamorous fake wedding and then spending that night scheming. “And I can safely assume she’s single, looking for a partner, and in her twenties?” he asked, ending at a high note.

Mr. Kenning stared at him. “He is,” he enunciated.

Damien’s eyes widen in realization. “Oh, Zion’s a guy.”

“Is that an issue?”

“No sir. Not at all. But it’s nice that I got a heads-up.”

“Hmm.” Mr. Kenning pressed the intercom button. Static came on as he spoke into the microphone. “Ollie, would you please send Zion to my office?”

A minute later, the intercom turned on. “Yes, sir. He’s on his way.”

“Great. Thank you.”

The men sat in silence as they waited. Mr. Kenning looked over the plans Damien laid out before, tsking with each one. If Damien could read his mind, he’d guess that the man liked what he saw.

Five minutes later, the door opened and a guy around Damien’s age came in. Damien stared, noticing how cute Zion was. He had puppy-brown eyes to die for. “Hey, Dad. I didn’t know anything about the bakery down the street.”

“Zion?”

“It was burning when I got there.”

Mr. Kenning was already exasperated with his son if one could be exasperated in so little emotion. “Zion! You’re not here about the bakery you burned down.”

“I didn’t. I just said.”

Rubbing his temples, he changed the subject. “I would like you to meet Mr. Havisham.”

Zion briefly glanced at Damien, who was still staring. “Who is he? Why should I care?”

Mr. Kenning breathed deeply. “This fellow and I have been talking. He needs a partner to help follow through his latest operation, and he promised he would pay generously from the profit afterward.”

Crossing his arms, Zion shrugged. “Okay. Where do I come in?”

“Mr. Haversham thought it would be good to have you two get married and go forth with this partnership under the radar.”

Zion made the show of cleaning his ears out. He then made a confused face. “Run that by me again? Did you say marriage?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re okay with this because…? Why? For shits and giggles, because I’m not ‘settled’ down yet?” Damien sensed a current issue unfolding, and he was here for it.

“We are simply using each other’s service for the time being,” Mr. Haversham explained. “Remember the public; the minute they catch anything suspicious, they won’t stop until they find us.” Standing up, Mr. Kenning walked to the window and looked out. “I’m not asking you to throw your life away and devote your free time with this guy. I’m asking you to provide a cover for both of us.”

Scoffing, Zion retorted, “And you think me marrying him would be a great cover?”

Mr. Kenning gestured to Damien. “That’s something you should take up with him.”

Zion properly looked at Damien. Damien couldn’t help but see a tattoo peeking out from the collar. What was underneath? How good did it look on him? “So wise guy, what special plans do you have that needs me to be your fuck buddy?”

Wordlessly, Damien passed the plans over. He waited as Zion looked through the intricate graphs and designs, marking each problem with a solution. The more he read, Zion’s bushy eyebrows arched up.

“Well, I’ll be damned, this doesn’t look like shit.”

Damien smiled. Gotta show off those pearly whites. “So you’ll do it?”

“Maybe,” Zion mumbled.

“Would it help if I propose to you?”

“Hell no. I don’t do that.” Zion takes one more look before tossing the plans back. “But I don’t have much else to do after my last, boring assignment. It’s been too long since I did anything huge.”

Mr. Kenning looked at both his son and his fake soon-to-be son-in-law. “Looks like we’re all in agreement then.” He pulled out his pocket watch and noted the time. “Now you guys get out of here, I have a client coming in five minutes.”

Damien followed Zion out of the office, Zion acting like nothing major had happened just now. Damien kept watching as he entered a room labeled “Employees Only”, possibly to finish up that assignment before moving on to his. He hoped the new operation would go well, and that he wouldn’t get distracted by Zion to mess it up.