Michael is Gone

Daniel and Michael were joined at the hip since they were kids, although it was because Michael wouldn’t stop clinging to his big brother. Daniel didn’t care to be seen with him 24/7, especially since his friends were definitely not Michael’s and he shouldn’t be hanging with them. If he had to go anywhere, Michael had to come along. If he made food, Michael just had to try some. He couldn’t breathe without Michael interfering. Daniel couldn’t remember the last time he had anything to himself.

“He just loves you, that’s all,” Mama often said whenever he complained. “Tell him to leave you alone. He’ll listen.” She was right; Michael would go away for all of three hours before coming back and asking Daniel to game with him. Daniel had no idea how someone, after eighteen years, would still act the same way. He figured Michael would get tired and grow up, but he hadn’t.

It was a foggy morning when Daniel woke up. His radio played as he got dressed, throwing him to the eighties as he brushed his teeth and got ready for the day. He was halfway down the stairs when he realized he could only hear the music. Michael would be in the kitchen making a mess by now while singing his tunes. It was strangely quiet downstairs. He probably used superglue on his mouth again.

Mama and Daddy sat around the table when Daniel came down. They were whispering, and Mama had a piece of paper clenched in her hands, calloused from her construction job. Daddy had a hand over his mouth, meaning he was processing what he couldn’t understand.

“Morning, Mama. Morning, Daddy,” Daniel said, opening the fridge. “If you’re making a list, we’re out of eggs.” Setting a package of bacon by the stove, he got out a skillet and oiled it up. “Bacon, too. I’m using the last of it.”

“Daniel,” Mama said. She was a bold woman, the kind no one wanted to mess with, even for a prank. Every mom had a Mom Voice, and hers was Mom Voice 5.0, which put everyone older than her in line if they were in hearing range. This morning, however, she was soft and almost broken. “Come here.”

She handed the paper to Daniel, who uncrumpled it and struggled to read the chicken scratch. It was Michael’s handwriting for sure, but the words didn’t match his bubbly personality. It made sense why Daddy couldn’t process the words.

Hey y’all,

Kept reading the news. Couldn’t bear to stand by while it happened in front of me. Decided to enlist, and if you’re reading this I already left. Don’t know when I’ll be back.

Love you guys

Daniel knew he should have felt dread or shock that Michael would do this out of the blue. Signing up for the military wasn’t synonymous with ‘safe and secure’. However, all he felt in his chest was relief. Michael was doing something for himself without him.

Folding the note, Daniel hugged his parents. “We’ll be fine. He’s not the ideal army man, so chances are he’ll be in boot camp or wherever outside the field. He’ll be back soon.”

“How do you know?” Daddy asked.

Daniel didn’t have an answer. The skillet sizzled, ready to brown bacon slices.

The first month without Michael around was great. Daniel blared his music, cooked all the food he wanted, and played the video games he hid from his brother because they were his and his alone. He had his friends over three weeks after Michael left, and they noticed how more outgoing and entertaining Daniel was when he was just himself and not Michael’s big brother. It felt like he was getting fresh air instead of the filtered oxygen he was breathing in all his life.

The following months were just as exhilarating. Mama and Daddy were almost back to normal, with Mama just as intimidating and Daddy busy with work as always. Daddy framed the note and hung it above the kitchen stove to look at while he made dinner every night. Daniel would sometimes walk into his parents talking about their youngest son and praying he was fine. Of course, Michael was fine. When he survived the fireworks incident that burnt his arm, Daniel was confident he could handle anything coming his way. The confidence faded as the days passed.

By the sixth month, he was becoming withdrawn from his single-child lifestyle. In the eighth month, he rarely left his room. Ten months after Michael left, Daniel didn’t know how to spend his free time. He hadn’t heard from him. Worry crept into his mind as Daniel wondered if Michael was okay. Was he still alive?

Worry dominated him and brought nightmares. The setting is different every time, but they all share the same story: Daniel reaches out to Michael to save him but it’s too late because the light turns off and Daniel is alone in the dark. He woke up panicking in the middle of the night a lot, and it took hours for him to go back to sleep. Heavy bags appeared under his eyes as a result. He was cranky more often than not.

It had been two years since Michael left. Daniel was at the stove, frying potato slices for a friend who came by to check on him. He was careful not to let the oil splash the framed note. His mood was sour for various reasons, including the fat comment someone made while he was at the store picking up ingredients. A hand was placed on his shoulder. Instantly, he saw red.

“I swear to God, I said the fries will be ready, and not a minute sooner!” he bellowed. “Sit down and wait, would you?”

“Mkay,” a small voice said. Mistaking it as dismissal, Daniel turned and shoved them back.

“Who do you think you are, saying ‘mkay’ and--” he stopped. His friend was on the couch, confused as to why Daniel was yelling at him since he hadn’t moved.

Daniel looked at the intruder. Michael stared back at him, dressed in his military uniform and his hair buzzed short. They stood for a long time until Michael finally said something.

“Hi.”

Daniel couldn’t speak. The baby fat was gone, and Michael was lean and buff. He was an adult, and not eighteen years old anymore. Traces of his former self were there, but he saw things Daniel couldn’t imagine. Michael gave him a tired grin.

“Aren’t you going to welcome me back?” he asked.

The dam broke. Daniel slid to the floor, tears welling up. The worry, the anger, and the melancholy came out of him. He sniffed several times, trying and failing to keep his composure. Michael bent down to give him tissues, but Daniel grabbed him and hugged him tightly. He didn’t know what to say: Fuck you for leaving, why didn’t you call, I missed you so much. He could have said them all. But the tight hug was enough to get his message across.

Michael came back.